The Yoga Master

Our hotel offers complimentary yoga classes three times a week. I decided to try it out tonight because I love yoga and do it about once a week at home. When I got there, one of the spa girls told me that the yoga master was stuck in traffic and class would start 30 minutes late. Yoga master? OK, so this is going to be REAL yoga. Well, I waited there with the two Japanese men that were taking the class with me until the yoga master arrived. We were taken to a little room, just barely big enough for the five of us to lay down in (an Indian man had also joined us). There were two seats up front and two in the back. I've always been a front-row student, so that's where I headed. When the yoga master came in, I was immediately overtaken by his overwhelming scent of body odor. It probably would have been really bad to have passed him on the street, but to be stuck in a tiny room with him and to be half an arm's length away was just awful! I'll just hold my breath, I thought. Well, half of yoga is the breathing, which was not going to work! I tried my best to fake the breathing through my nose when possible and use my mouth instead. I got called out a few times and was forced to take a big whiff. I thought about getting up and leaving, really thought about it.

Once we got past the 30 minutes of breathing exercises, we went on to the stretching. I have never been a flexible person and even though I do Pilates and yoga regularly at home, I just do not bend easily! So when the yoga master tells me to sit with my feet in front of me and lean tot he right and touch my head to the floor, it doesn't quite work out as planned. "Come on, come on, what are you doing?!," he says. I really was trying! Then it was lift your leg, grab your ankle and touch your head to your ankle. It turned out to be more like lift your leg, grab your thigh and lift my head off the ground! The yoga master was going around forcing the other men in the class into position, but Indian men do not touch women so for me he would stand by me and waft the air forcefully telling me to go higher, push harder, lift more, etc. My only successes came with the shoulder stand and the backbend because my back is my only flexible body part. I held the shoulder stand for a good 10 minutes without flinching and the backbend for a good 5. The yoga master was very proud!

Just like when I take yoga at home, the class ended with relaxation in corpse pose- laying on the floor with legs and arms spread, completely relaxed. The yoga master left the room for a minute (yes, I could breathe!) and then I was really relaxed an could enjoy my mini nap.

Throughout the whole class, the yoga master did this deep hum thing and would break into song. He ended the class with a song and told me to come back Tuesday. Only if you shower, Mr. Yoga Master!